dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As shirtless as possible
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
