I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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