theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
