adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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