Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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