I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
