the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
