It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
