so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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