If i come over, it means nothing
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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