He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
