That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
