So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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