New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
