fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
