somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
