yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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