you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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