I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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