I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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