Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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