i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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