I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
