Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
