I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
