then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
