I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
