you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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