Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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