did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
