the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
