your parents love me but you hate me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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