Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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