oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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