i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize