If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
