SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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