I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
