Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
