she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
