We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He passed out mid-signature
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
