he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
