I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
