He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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