I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
