I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
