I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Boobs speak an international language.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
