What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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