This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
