definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wear drunk well.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
