The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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