Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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