don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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