i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
