I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
