I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
...so i touched it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
