walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize