those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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