Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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