you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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