You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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